I stopped shaming and I started healing. I understood that I didn’t choose addiction, but I could choose recovery.

I entered recovery in 2011 and have been on this divinely arranged and zig-zagged journey ever since. My strongest addictions were to alcohol, uppers, food, cigarettes, love relationships, people-pleasing, and perfectionism. My black-out, binge-drinking, pack-a-day-smoker days lasted until just after I turned 26. Once I quit the drugs and nicotine, I could really start to look at the food and behavioral patterns like people-pleasing and rescuing.

I turned to food for emotional comfort and stress relief, to fill a void, to chase a euphoric high, to numb out, always thinking more was better. I had secret binges for which I felt tidal waves of unbearable shame and guilt for days afterward. I tried to self-treat anxiety and bipolar depression with food, which only increased as the bingeing did, creating a cyclical trap.

One of my favorite recovery quotes is from Anne Lamott, “I decided that the most subversive, revolutionary thing I could do was to show up for my life and not be ashamed.”

So that’s what I did.

I stopped shaming and I started healing. I understood that I didn’t choose addiction, but I could choose recovery.

Over time, I learned to give me and my body exactly what we needed, nothing more or less. I learned to honor myself, my high sensitivity and my range of emotions. I learned other sources of comfort and a list of ways to manage my stresses. I learned how to say no to others so I could say YES to myself.

I no longer wish to deprive, stuff, punish, or bully myself. My new daringly imperfect lens is one of grace, humor, and forgiveness. It’s been a wild journey back to JOY. I feel I have alchemized my addictive patterns--turned my pain into my purpose and my struggles into my strength. I'm now a joy creator. 

I teach recovery & healing to others through my coaching work, yoga teaching, and sober blogging. I couldn't ask for a more honorable ministry. 

Some things that have played a vital role in my healing and recovering a sense of love and care for my body, brain, and spirit have been:

  • my yoga practice (important “meetings” with my body)

  • meditations (“adult time-outs”)

  • guided meditations (“positive brain washings”)

  • daily doses of radical self-acceptance

  • trusting my strong intuition

  • listening to guidance from others but tuning out the nonsense

  • accepting compliments without arguing

  • asking for what I need without apologizing.

It is my unwavering belief that we are all already whole and love-worthy, but that we may just need some help remembering and patching up the holes.