My name is Rose, and I am in long-term recovery, which means I haven’t had a drink or a drug in 23 years. When I was growing up, I always felt different than everyone else. I acted out in many ways to get attention. Looking back, I see how my patterns of my behavior started at such a young age, especially my negative ones. I lived by my feelings and made decisions on how I felt. Which in return I suffered consequences. I grew up in a large family but always felt so alone. My addiction started with food to comfort the way I felt and then lead to drugs. One is too many, and a thousand is never enough is how I lived my life in so many ways. My addiction and destructive behavior lead me to be homeless. I was in denial and didn’t want to admit that I was powerless over my addiction which was controlling my life. I wanted to die and saw no way out.
When I was finally introduced to a program, the feelings of despair, fear, unloved, and no self-worth was still there. As I continued to go, I realized that I wasn’t alone. I was finally at home with people who felt and thought the same way I did. Of course, it didn’t happen right away. I was desperate for change. I had no idea how to live. See when I removed the drugs I still had a problem, me. The mask had to go. I was so uncomfortable in my skin and being me. The only purpose for living life back then was my beautiful daughter. Since I was a new mom, it was hard for me to adjust with recovery. I had great support from my family who still supports my recovery today. I was able to work on my program and build a secure network.
Recovery hasn’t always been easy. As the onion was being peeled layer by layer, it wasn’t pretty. I am thankful for my relationship with my Higher Power and the support network I built. Humbling myself and seeing that the same person will use again. I have become a better version of myself. Life isn’t always easy, but today I handle it with grace, dignity, and integrity. Today I apply Spiritual Principles in my life and use healthy boundaries. Recovery has given me the ability to have healthy relationships today. My perspective is so different today because I'm able to look at things in a positive manner. The way I use to live my life was in a negative mindset. Over the years I have lost loved ones. The pain of losing someone is like no other. For me, I will never stop loving them I just learn to live my life different every day. No matter what we go through in life, we get to use healthy ways to help us. I went through a situation that changed my life forever. Out of that, I learned a lot. I grew a much closer relationship with my Higher Power. I came out of that knowing that “Positivity brings in light and Negativity brings in darkness.”
I love my life today. I am a mom, wife, and grandmother. I have been married for over 13 years to a man who is in recovery. I love to advocate for people and fight for the cause. I have the honor to help other women and give back what has been freely given to me.
Recovery works and has saved my life. I recently heard someone say that “Everyone is recovering from something.” That is so true.