My name is Robert and I am person in long term recovery. I say this because I have not had a drink or drug in my body since July 29th, 2011.
This is just where my journey into my new life began. Let me back up to what got me here. Drinking and drugging started out as harmless fun. It was fun at first, then eventually no fun at all. The thing about the disease of addiction is that its progressive, maybe not the same speed as others but inevitably progressive.
I didn’t wake up after my first drink and drug and make a conscious decision to become an addict and alcoholic. I had always felt like an outsider, even being on teams and with friends at a young age. I was always trying to fill this hole inside of me with anything to keep away my true feelings. Starting out with candy at a young age and eventually leading to alcohol and drugs by the end of my run.
The biggest thing that I didn’t realize is that getting better is an inside job. I could put down the drink and drug whenever I wanted, but until I was truly finished, I would always go back. My close family and friends always knew deep down inside I drank and drugged a little different then everyone else. They would always say “just slow down Rob” or “take it easy.” Easy was not in my nature. Especially at the end of my active addiction.
I ended up being arrested and was looking at facing some time. I was in the paper. Everyone knew I was in trouble, but not to what extent. That was the last day of my drinking and drugging. I knew at that moment that something needed to change. I couldn’t do what I wanted in jail so I made a decision to stay clean and sober. My lawyer spoke of an easier, softer way. This was the beginning of my amazing journey into recovery. I jumped in with two feet because really, what did I have left to lose?
My life is so different today, I have a spiritual connection that has since filled that god shaped hole. I have bonds with individuals that I could call family. Anything I want to do, I can do, as long as I don’t drink or use drugs.
The best part about recovery is getting my feelings back. The ability to laugh, cry, and even just relax is so amazing. Just being able to plan my day the way it was intended and to not live against my nature and what was intended for me.
I could go on but I just want to say to whoever reads this that life is worth living and you are worth so much more than you think. I thought the same way. No one cares about me. If I died it wouldn’t matter. The truth is we are all here for a purpose and mine is to help the next suffering alcoholic and addict. I wanted to stop for so many years, but never knew what or who to turn to. Now, I know that with me speaking out, even if it saves one persons life, I can say I fulfilled my purpose. I hope whoever reads this is inspired to support this movement. You are worth it so work it.
I am Rob and I Am Not Anonymous.