My name is Kristin Varallo and I am in recovery. I’m a 27 year old single mother of a beautiful three year old little boy named Michael. I am not ashamed of being in recovery. My disease started way before I ever picked up a drink or a drug. I was diagnosed with severe depression around the age of 14 or 15 years old. At this time, I was suicidal for many years. I felt like an outcast, not smart enough, and ugly around my peers. Around my family these feelings intensified which made me feel different in many ways. I felt judged by my mother and father on a consistent basis because I was not like my sisters. I felt like my parents compared me to my sisters.
My disease affected my family and friends in many ways. I’ve stolen, lied, and mentally drained my family. My mother today has no family jewelry because I’ve stolen it all, thousands of dollars’ worth which I can never replace. All trust thrown out the window. My words meant nothing coming out of my mouth because you wouldn’t know if they were lies or not. The words were just noise in my parents’ eyes.
When I decided to get clean I was in complete desperation to do anything to get out of the position I was in. I was mentally and physically drained. I felt as if I was a walking corpse. As a result, I went to rehab, but when I was in there I mentally was not present. I was not ready to get clean. When I left rehab I got high that same day. I continued to get high for a month and then something happened. Someone or something was watching over me at this time because I made the choice to detox myself while another man was getting high right next to me. I stuck to it still and today I have no idea how I was able to do that. I will never forget the feeling of detoxing cold turkey.
My first 30 days in recovery I was shot. I didn’t know what I wanted other than my family to be okay with me being around again. Also, I wanted to be a mother to my son. My one year anniversary was last week on September 12th, 2014. The past 30 days in recovery have been overwhelming. I’m overcome with the feeling of joy when I look at my new life today. I have my son, family, and friends all back and today I am an amazing mother to my son. I’m someone he looks up to. My family can have conversations with me and know I’m telling the truth. We can laugh and have amazing times together without me having to use!
I am a friend today. I show up. I am a person people trust and love. A person others can look up to. My life has so much more meaning to it today. God had another plan for me. I am a stronger independent woman and mother today. I have to stay in recovery because without it I would not be the person I am today. I let go and let God because if I try to control my life I would no longer be in existence. I’m most grateful in my recovery for my son, the warm bed I sleep on, the clothes on my back, food in my stomach, and for everything. Recovery is possible. I don’t regret my past because I wouldn’t be where I am today, and today I love me!