Before I began my recovery journey, my world was falling apart around me. I didn’t see a way out of my situation. Most of my friends and family wanted very little to do with me. Life was at standstill. I never was able to control my drinking, for a long time I was not consciously aware of this fact. And looking back, it probably wouldn’t have mattered even if I did. My life was going nowhere, all of my dreams and goals were slipping through my fingers, I was sick, miserable and alone.
I stumbled my way into recovery, and found an amazing group of friends who encourage me to move forward, and help me to stay sober. These friends have also helped me to learn to be accountable for my actions. Before I entered recovery, I was angry and hostile, I expected everyone to deal with my erratic behavior, I would say things like I am “sick.” I used the idea of being a tortured artist as excuse for my troubled behavior.
In recovery have learn the effect this disease has had on those around me. My parents spent many countless nights wondering if I was alive or dead. I constantly fought with friends and family and I lost some very close and valuable friendships due to my disease. When I became sober I also lost friends, due in part to the sitgma of the disease of addiction. Friends who were unable or unwilling to forgive me for things in the past, or who not understand this disease. While, I truly believe only an alcoholic or addict such as my self can truly understand the disease of addiction. However, breaking the stigma of addiction is important in order to help better treat the disease of addiction.
I personally have experienced the stigma of addiction in several ways, before I became sober, the stigma, effected me because I was unable to ask for help due to embarrassment, fear and misunderstanding on my part and the part of others. It was difficult for my family as well to understand and accept that I am an alcoholic. But now that I am in recovery, family has been able to see how much treatment has helped me, and I am growing and thriving in my life. I have once again found my creative voice, I am moving forward in my life, learning who I am meant to be. Yet, in many aspects of my life such as my profession and my schooling I have kept quite about my recovery due to the stigma of addiction.
It is time now, I believe, to live my destiny and come out of the shadows and share who I am I am a creative passionate woman. I believe I am put on earth to walk a spiritual path, and heal those suffering from addiction through art and music. I hope to be able to work with youth and young people suffering from addictions in the hopes we will one day completely rid ourselves of the stigma of addiction, by doing the next right thing, each day, everyday.